The Broken Vessel and the Weight of the Family System
Often, our feeling of being “broken” comes from trying to fit into a mold that is not ours—one we likely did not choose. We try to replicate the model of our Family System, that map taught to us by our parents during childhood and adolescence. Sometimes it is a flawed model based on an insecure attachment that causes us to suffer; yet, because it is the only one we have ever known, we end up accepting it as the only one possible.
From a young age, we are taught that being different is not an option. So, we secretly break ourselves into a thousand pieces. Especially within the LGBTIQ+ community, this break is profound: we fragment ourselves to survive, to please others, and to avoid social rejection. But those tiny pieces are, in fact, what make us who we are today. We cannot erase the past, but we can learn to value it as a vital lesson that has shaped our present Identity.
Kintsugi: The Beauty of Our Cracks
Here is where my relationship with Kintsugi comes in—the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with resin mixed with gold powder. In Kintsugi, there is no an attempt to hide the fracture; on the contrary, it is highlighted. From an apparently useless vessel, a unique object is born—one that is much more beautiful and resilient because of its imperfections.
That is precisely what I seek in therapy: to find those cracks together, to understand them, and to live them. The goal is to join those broken pieces without pre-established scripts, breaking away from what no longer serves us. Life hits us with grief, failure, and breakups that crack our vessel. Sometimes the pain is almost unbearable and we try to “buy a new vessel” or model an identity based on what others expect, creating an internal dissonance that makes us miserable. Therapy is the workshop where the glue is compassion and truth.
ACT Therapy: Acceptance to Improve Self-Esteem
In this “pottery workshop,” we use tools such as ACT Therapy (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). This approach teaches us that suffering is part of the human condition, but we can change our relationship with it through psychological flexibility.
To Improve Self-Esteem, we don’t need to eliminate the cracks; instead, we must practice radical Acceptance of our history. ACT Therapy helps us:
- Accept the broken pieces (painful thoughts and emotions) through emotional validation instead of fighting against them.
- Connect with your Personal Values to choose how to glue those pieces back together, using our own “gold.”
- Observe our “Self” as the space where life happens and post-traumatic growth occurs.
My Story: From Secrecy to Resilience
I speak from experience. As a gay man who received a Catholic education, I grew up in a system where being gay was not an option. I had to secretly fight for much of my life with my Identity. Bullying, the fear of rejection, and systemic oppression cracked my vessel until it seemed irreparable. However, today I know that the love that once “broke” me is also the gold with which I have mended my pieces.
Although my work specializes in the LGBTIQ+ community, Affirmative Therapy is an approach of absolute respect that benefits not just the LGBTIQ+ community but anyone who feels their identity has been silenced. AcceptingMe Therapy is a 100% Online and bilingual service, providing a confidential and safe environment in English & Spanish. This Online modality offers you the flexibility to access sessions no matter where you are.
Are you ready to start joining your pieces back together? At AcceptingMe Therapy, the gold for your cracks already belongs to you; we just need to learn how to use it together.
Book a free 20-minute initial consultation today.